Yesterday morning my daughter cried because she didn’t get to say good-bye to me before I left for work. It haunted me all day.

I struggle with the work-life balance – mostly with the question, “How can I be the best father and wildly successful at my job at the same time?” For me, these could be mutually exclusive.  I could do one great and one terribly; or I could work odd hours (as I do from 5-7AM), come home earlier, protect my weekends as much as possible, and still feel like I am getting everything done that I need to do for work – not that I couldn’t be doing more – and still have lots of time with my kids. If I were independently wealthy, I’d work about 4 hours a day (maybe) and spend the rest of the time with my kids, at least the time when they were not in school. I do not have that luxury, but what I do have is a luxury that many other dads don’t have – I have the choice to grapple with the question.

Being a great father and being wildly successful at work are not always mutually exclusive. They are often one and the same. As a principal, before I was a father, I would often bemoan, where are all the parents, particularly dads? This was not so much a comment on single-parent households as an observation. Slowly, I came to realize that for many fathers, being a good dad is all about providing. It’s working 8 hours a day at one job, four hours a day at another, and picking up extra shifts on weekends just to make ends meet. If these fathers decided to come home early or protect weekends, their children would not have new shoes, supplies for school, or breakfast. By being absent, these men were being great fathers. They couldn’t come to school to check on their child because the $20 they would have lost from taking the time off would mean $20 less to spend on something their child needs. Or, it meant that their supervisor wouldn’t give them that extra shift because they weren’t as dedicated to their job.

So with one eye I recognize my own challenges in spending time with my kids; with the other, I recognize how fortunate I am to have that challenge in the first place. It’s not that these men want to be with their children any less than I do – it’s that they don’t have that choice. My four year old daughter doesn’t understand that and I just have to try harder. I hope that everyone else out there – teachers, principals, bosses and supervisors – begin to understand and help to create an environment from the classroom to the boardroom that gives all parents opportunities to be with their kids. If anything, this will make them want to work harder and be more dedicated to their job.